06 January 2010

dont say you love me, if you dont.

hulloh people ! :]
its thursday and im at the school lab. i dont really have a topic to share.
i do get some idea. i need some opinion of yours.

i dont really understand why people make a good relationship with someone if in the end its going to hurt you. it doesnt really make sense. here, you got friends but with their bullshit. they break the promises, they hurt you without purpose. they make you think like you are important for them. the fact is they dont. if thats happening, what could you do ? cry ? mad ? or ignore ? ignoring everything that hurt you is the best way i ever know. but i cant always ignore it. everyone got a limit. no one can really patience till the end of the day.

they are all sucks. as suck as me. im not a good person. i judge other in my own idea and they dont know it.
my ego is too big. sometimes, i ignore you. i feel uncomfortable when im with you. i feel that we are not connected. hate me or love me i dont really care. you may think that i act like bitch. you may say anything that you want about me. you may think that i dont need friend. i do need it ! i dont need someone who dont understand me. i need only one. the one who really understand me and i understand him/her.
sometimes im jealous. why cant they like me ? why they dont feel like im there ? why why and why ? i know. i know one thing that you all got your own. you all got the friend that really suits you.

at first, i thought this is the time i make a good relationship with someone. im not sure about that now. just let it be. im feeling sucks. stuck at the moment. jealousy feels like shit. feels like crying. feels like dying. they all have a good relationship with people and why cant i get that thing to ?
this is really uneeded. unimportant. im saying bullshit. ignore this. i feeling blur. this is why i post this. i get the point. everything will be beautiful someday. i dont have to think about those shit now. what i need is only get a good score. i got no plus in my personality. my score can help me. my score can make me feel like at least i got one positive side.

being alone is the best thing i know now. i love being alone. sometimes alone makes me feel lonely. sometimes it makes me feel like im not in the world. but still, i love being alone. being alone means i can cry as long as i want. i can imagine anything that i want. be honest. believe it or not, what i imagine wont happen. example like i imagine tomorrow is a good day for me. and the fact is tomorrow is not. it always happen. like the negative if i imagine the positive. thats the reason why i dare not imagine to high. 

ignore this crap. too emo. sorry and goodbye :)