20 July 2011


I hate school. I hate the Indonesian government custom. They seperate the class into two or three class with the different major. Science, Social and Language. Languange class is like rare in my town. I wish i had an option. Not to choose both science and social. I want to move to the place where there is no such as major seperation. I'm so desperate because of this. I regret going to the science major. But I don't want to be at the social class too. I wish my parents let me move. Singapore is okay. As long as they don't matter about the major. I don't really understand why they don't let me move. They let me move. Later. After I graduate from the senior high school. Okay, they say I'm not independent. I'm a girl. I'm still small. I don't know what else and I don't want to know. I don't think they understand how desperate I am. I'm not good at science, nor social. I hate physics and I hate geography. being a science student is tough. Yes, TOUGH. I'm not going to make it. I mean, I feel hopeless. They just don't understand why I feel hopeless. All they know is I'm not confident and I keep saying "I CAN'T". I tried so many time to make myself believe that I can. And the result is zero. When I say "I can", all I got is the bad result. I still hope for miracle. I pray to God. I try to convince them too. At least when they say I can move next year. If I move next year, I'm going to spend 2 years for college and 2 years for the university and I will be graduated as a S1 student. Yes, of course if I succeed. It's useless. They won't let me go HA. I have to accept this fact and be realistic. Feel better after I write this down. No one understand how I feel because it's also hard for me to understand myself. That desperate feeling is hard to explain.

So let's just see, do miracle exist ? I don't think so (: Stop expecting much alfrecha!  :D